I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
