I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
