I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
