Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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