I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
