I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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