in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
