I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
