Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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