we're blogging at a bar
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
