I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i now understand why vodka
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
