you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
