well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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