We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
