You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
