I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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