Betty ford says i'm here all night
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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