you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
