weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
