there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
