Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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