Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
