Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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