im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
