Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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