I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
