Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
