I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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