I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
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