It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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