NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
