I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
