Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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