Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
