And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
