I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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