New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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