i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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