Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
