isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
