3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
