even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
