My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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