More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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