Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
