I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
