woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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