Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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