I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
