i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
